Goodbye Hair!

Well I have decided that we all needed haircuts. Bob and Robbie got their heads buzzed and Abby and Elijah just got trims! Me well I have no hair left! It will take some time to get use to a buzz on MY head, but I am glad that it is gone and I don't have to worry about long pieces falling out in the next weeks.

Shelly was awesome and came over and cut our hair. This way we could do it as a family and it was a private thing. I thought I would cry but just laughed! Especially at the "mohawk"!! Once the hair was gone and I looked in the mirror I did get a bit teary for a moment but I am ok. I like wearing hats and with many many thanks to some wonderful women I will have tons of them!!!

So I am guessing you all want to see pictures huh??!! Well here they are! A picture of each person getting their cut and then a family photo of us before my hair is gone. That will be the last one of me with hair for awhile!! Then of course me getting my hair cut and the fun we had with it. And another family photo after the fact.

Oh and the kids LOVE rubbing my head!!

THRUSH!! UGH!

I was so lucky to spend the day at the hospital today!!! Ya! NOT!!!! I have a cold but I have thrush from chemo too. I am also dehydrated. They gave me fluids, antibiotics and rinses for my mouth. When I was getting ready to leave my nurse and dr were still concerned about me. But I am trying to drink like crazy even though it hurts. I am sure after a couple of rinses my mouth will start to feel better. At least I hope so!!


I have to go tomorrow for genetic testing and counseling. While I am there I have to check in with my nurse and let her know how I am doing. 


Thurs the dr. will call me to see how I am doing, Monday is another trip to Hartford for a follow up visit with the dr. Then chemo on Thurs and a shot on Friday! Looks like another busy couple of weeks! 


All I can do is take one day at a time. That is all God wants us to do anyways! Even though I am still feeling icky from the thrush and cold, my spirits are up a bit. It really helps to know that the nurses and doctors that are helping you are really concerned about you and that it isn't just a job. The level of care that I am getting at the Cancer Center is great! I am so glad that God brought me to that place to get my treatment. 


I also want to thank a special lady that came over today and helped with some house stuff while we were at the hospital. Thank you Ann!!! I love you!

The Long Haul

The past few days I have been feeling very discouraged about how LONG this treatment plan is going to be. I feel so yucky all the time and just want to feel normal again. Is there such a thing?? I have just started on this journey and I am already exhausted. I am resting when I can and eating to try to keep up my strength. I am weak all the time and right now my ears and chest feel all congested and I think I am trying to fight this nasty cold. This is not easy to do when all these chemicals are fighting my immune system.

I know God will give me the strength to get through all of this.

After a break from my computer I am now feeling a bit better. I have the best friends and family and HUBBY!!! The love and kindness is almost overwhelming at times. I am so thankful to God for each of you!

Tomorrow some wonderful ladies will be coming over to un-decorate the house and get things organized for us. It will feel so good to have things in their place and other stuff just gone! I am tired of the constant mess and clutter. My kids may not like it when they get home but I bet they won't even notice what is missing with all the new presents they just got!!

God only gives us what we can handle. Guess He is going to make me strong enough to handle this!!

Dec 26th

We had an amazing Christmas. It began WAY too early but the excitement in my children was precious! By 6am all the presents had been opened and toys were being played with while Mommy and Daddy sat back and watched, and tried to wake up!! LOL
Abby got a HUGE doll house from "santa", painted by his elves(thanks girls!!)

Robbie got 2 books from the Diary of A Wimpy Kid series and LOVES them!!

Eli got a lot of different things and loved them all!!! He got a build it robot that he just loves taking apart and putting back together!

3 of the 5 of us napped mid morning so that we would be in good moods for going to Grandma and Grandpa's for lunch and round 2 of presents.

It was so nice to be around family all day. God has truly blessed us with an amazing family and extended family. I am so thankful for all of them. All the nieces and nephews playing together was great. Brooke and Abby the only 2 girls were so cute putting princess puzzles together while all the boys played cars and trucks!

I hope your Christmas was as precious and special as ours was!!

Christmas Eve

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

As the Advent season approached and I was diagnosed with cancer we had little reason to celebrate this year. It was a struggle to get into the spirit of Christmas. In the past few weeks so much has happened and I have actually started treating this disease and feel like we are finally taking action to kick this!!

Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ our Savior. With out Him I would have no hope, no strength, no comfort to get me through this trial. But I have him as my Savior and HE has given me hope, strength, comfort and the love and support of all of you to help me and my family through this. There is so much to celebrate this Christmas! JESUS!!!

I am also looking at Christmas through the eyes of my children. Their innocence of the impact of what I am going through and just the pure excitement of Christmas! Plus I know what they are getting!!! I know how excited they will be to get what was on their wish lists!

On a "how am I feeling" note, I am still fighting the nausea. The meds help but it still comes in waves and then I have to have ginger ale and saltines to help. I am a little tired but not so much that I can't function some what anyways!! My goal today is to rest so that I have a bit more energy tomorrow! Oh and I FINALLY get my shower after 3 days (since I got my port put in)!! That should help me feel better too!!!

Luke 2:1-21 (ESV)

 ¹In those days^(A) a decree went out from^(B) Caesar Augustus that all the world should be^(C) registered. ²This was the first^(D) registration when^[a] Quirinius^(E) was governor of Syria. ³And all went to be registered, each to his own town. ⁴And Joseph also went up^(F) from Galilee, from the town of^(G) Nazareth, to Judea, to^(H) the city of David, which is called^(I) Bethlehem,^(J) because he was of the house and lineage of David, ⁵to be registered with Mary, his betrothed,^[b] who was with child. ⁶And^(K) while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. ⁷And she gave birth to her firstborn son and^(L) wrapped him in swaddling cloths and^(M) laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in^(N) the inn.

 ⁸And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. ⁹And an angel of the Lord^(O) appeared to them, and^(P) the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. ¹⁰And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all^(Q) the people. ¹¹For^(R) unto you is born this day in^(S) the city of David^(T) a Savior, who is^(U)Christ^(V) the Lord. ¹²And^(W) this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby^(X) wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." ¹³And suddenly there was with the angel^(Y) a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

 ^14(Z) "Glory to God^(AA) in the highest,
   ^(AB) and on earth^(AC) peace among those with whom he is pleased!"^[c]

 ¹⁵When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us." ¹⁶And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby^(AD) lying in a manger. ¹⁷And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. ¹⁸And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. ¹⁹But^(AE) Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.²⁰And the shepherds returned,^(AF) glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.

 ²¹And^(AG) at the end of eight days, when he was circumcised,^(AH) he was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb.

What a week!

What a crazy week of appointments!
Now that all the tests are done and the port is in AND I have completed my first treatment of chemo I thought I would update you all on how it went.

Friday's MUGA(heart) test went well. I had to have an IV for the radioactive dye. Test was pretty easy though, you just lay there still!

Monday was the CT and Bone scans. This was NOT a pleasant day. I had the IV radioactive dye and then I was put in the waiting room with 2 LARGE containers of "Berry Smoothie" aka barium I had to drink. It didn't taste bad it was just sooooooooooooooooooooo much of it!!! UGH! THEN I got to the CT scan and had 2 more injections of radioactive dye!! I think I was glowing when I left. LOL

Tues was the port installation. Sounds technical huh?!! LOL We ended up waiting  1 1/2hrs past when I was suppose to go in because of a couple of emergencies they had to do. I was ok up until they rolled me into the operating room. Then I started crying. The drs quickly got me laughing and that helped a lot. I kept feeling sharp sticks so they kept giving me more meds. After the procedure they gave me a percacet for a headache so waking up from sedation on top of taking a perc was not easy! I was very sore and the tape they put on was a bit over done!! Plus it was pulling my skin so I couldn't move my head.

Today was chemo. We met with the dr first and as soon as she walked in the room she said "All the scans came back negative"! She wanted that to be said and out of the way!!! The heart test was normal, and the CT and bone scans showed nothing but the tumor in the breast (approx 2.3cm) and the lymph nodes and that is what we knew about. The CT did show some cysts that could be from a fibroid in my uterus and on my ovaries. That is something we will have to look at down the road. I don't have any symptoms for those issues but they are not cancer related!!! I am praising God that there is nothing else!!

Chemo went well with the exception of one hiccup. My chest got a little tight and we are not sure if it was from forgetting to take my advair or from the steriod. We are just going to watch it. I have been super hyper since I finished chemo. I am trying really hard to lay low so that I don't hurt myself!! LOL I have to be super careful for another day or 2 because of the port. With in the next couple of days there will be a day that I am just exhausted but then I should get some energy back.

Next week I go for bloodwork so they can check my levels to see how low they go. This is what they will be watching all thru treatment. They watch my white blood cells and platelets (cbc panel). I am also going next week for the genetic counseling/testing. This will give us a lot of information that will help determine what surgery I will have to have.

So in all it has been a crazy week and very tiring. I am thankful that it is almost over and I have some down time before I have to go to Hartford again. My next chemo is Jan 6th.

God has blessed me with such comfort and strength to get through all these tests and the first treatment. I know there will be rough days but I will just enjoy the good days while they are here and lean on God for the not so good ones!!

Oh and if you see me remind me to drink!!! This helps flush the chemo out of my bladder, kidneys and liver!!

Warrior is a Child

This is how I have been feeling lately. I want to cry but not sure why. I am nervous and a little scared, but I know that God will get me through this. I know He has his reason for all of this. Everyone says how strong I am but deep down I just want to cry and cry.  I don't feel strong. I guess as I get closer to starting treatment it is becoming more and more real. I am sure I am just rambling here but I just need to get it out. Right now I don't want to be strong, I just want to be that little kid that is in tears held in her Father's arms and Him telling me it is going to be ok. Lord I pray for your loving arms to hold me and comfort me and tell me that it is going to be ok. 

Warrior is a Child~Twila Paris

..People say that I'm amazing

Strong beyond my years

But they don't see inside of me

I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while

'Cause deep inside this armor

The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best

But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest

People say that I'm amazing

Never face retreat

But they don't see the enemies

That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and and cry for just a while

'Cause deep inside this armor

the warrior is a child

Information and Appointment overload!!

WOW. What a day!!
I had my oncologist appointment today and I really like her!
Here is the official diagnosis:
IDC~ Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (means it started in the milk ducts and is spreading)
Grade 3 (means it is aggressive)
It is both estrogen and progesterone receptors positive (the hormones are causing the cancer)

It is HER2 Negative (HER2 is a gene that sends control signals to your cells, telling them to grow, divide, and make repairs.- Since this is negative it means that it is not causing the cancer)

We won't know the stage or size or even how many of the lymph nodes are involved until I have surgery. That is a long way off. I will have 16 wks of chemo and then go from there for the next step.

Friday(tomorrow) I go for the MUGA test which checks that your heart is strong enough for chemo.

Monday: CT and Bone scans (make sure the cancer hasn't gone anywhere else)

Tues: I get my port put in (so I don't need an IV every time I go for chemo)

Wed: First chemo treatment

Thurs: Booster shot (this helps my white blood cells so that they don't get too low)

Over all it was a very good appointment. My nurse is Gloria but she was not there today. I had Lynn and she is so so sweet! Everyone there is so very nice and upbeat. One thing she said is that now I am part of their family. It was funny when we first got there I was called "the new girl!"!! It was cute! 

After all these appointments and then the appointment with the genetic counselor I will only have to go 2x a week every other week. After the first 8wks (after the AC is done and start the tamox(both are the drugs they use)) then I will be going only 1x every other week. I need the booster with the AC to help the immune system so for those treatments I go 2x the week of treatment.

I hope I explained everything so that you all can understand it. I barely understand it all!!!

Oncologist appt Finally!!

I have been waiting all week but I finally have an oncologist appt tomorrow at 10:30. I am so glad to finally be moving forward. I know it has only been 3 days but it feels like 3 weeks. I am praying he has all the biopsy results for me and that we can move forward with treatment. Sitting here with this inside me and not being able to do anything to make it go away can drive you crazy. At least when treatment starts we will be DOING something.

Thankfully the kids have been acting a lot better. Good thing because toys are going to disappear. They don't need all they have anyways. I am looking forward to Clean Sweep, um I mean my church sisters to come and help! They will be un-bias about what toys to toss!!

I have also lost another pound just from watching what I am eating!! This is a good "benefit" so to speak!! :)

If I hear from the dr. tonight about the biopsy results I will be sure to update this blog entry.

Biopsy update

After waiting all day I got a call from Dr. White. He said that the pathology confirmed that I do have a form of breast cancer and that it is in my lymph nodes. Knowing that it is in my nodes means that it isn't an early stage. We won't have all the details until the rest of the biopsy results come back which should be in the next couple of days.

I will be calling the center again tomorrow. Dr. White is going to get me in with the first oncologist that can see me. I also found out that I will have to have a CT scan before the insurance will authorize the PET scan. At least those are painless!!

We had a very exciting evening here too. (Rolls eyes) My children decided to scream at the top of their lungs while I was in the bedroom trying to talk to the dr. Apparently the neighbors heard the screaming and were concerned so they called the cops to make sure everything was ok!!! UGH!!! SERIOUSLY!!!

After the cops left the kids were so upset, but they behaved for the rest of the night!! Maybe this will be a lesson to them that they really need to not scream and actually listen to mommy!!

I then got to go out to a movie with my best friend. It was nice to get out for a little while and just forget about everything for a few hours.

I will keep this updated as I hear about the reports and what the oncologist has to say and when I will be starting treatment. It sounds like it is going to be very soon.

Waiting weekend

It is now Sat. night and I have had a great day. I love my church family so much!! We had a great ladies prayer breakfast this morning. I enjoy the fellowship of each one of them.

This afternoon/evening we had a cookie swap. It was a blast!! Apparently some of us need a refresher on "T'was the Night Before Christmas"!!! LOL And maybe some more blue tortilla chips!! Haa haa!!! I love you ladies!!

It was so nice to have a day filled with fun and fellowship. I am looking forward to tomorrow at church.

Church was good and I enjoyed singing in choir this morning. Thankfully Abby didn't make us laugh while we were singing!!! She kept waving and being silly before and she had the choir laughing!!! Silly girl!

I also got to talk with a lady in our church who just went through cancer. Her faith is amazing and I am sure that I will be talking with her again.

I have been in a lot of pain today. Hubby called the dr. and he said if I had perc. I could take it so I did. I also can put heat or cold on it to help. If I am still in a lot of pain tomorrow he said to call the office and they will try to get me in. Dr. White said that what could have happened is that during the biopsy it could have bled a little bit into the tissue and that would be causing the pain and swelling. I just hope the meds helps so I can get some sleep tonight.

I will leave you with this quote that a friend sent to me.
"Sometimes the Lord quiets the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, and quiets His child."

I am so BLESSED

I got lots of rest today!

I am so blessed by all the people in my life. I don't think I will ever be able to thank all of you enough to show how much you mean to me. I love you all so much.

My children have been carted around to/from school, fed and played with all day so that I could take it easy and I even got a good 2hr nap!!! I needed that!!

I am still sore but I am looking forward to taking a shower!! I haven't been able to do that in over 24hrs.

Tomorrow is the ladies prayer breakfast and then in the afternoon is the cookie exchange! Sunday is filled with church and choir. Monday(hopefully) I will be going out with one of my best friends and then hopefully Tues or Wed we will have the results and be able to go forward with treatment! I am glad that this weekend will be semi busy to keep my mind off the waiting.

Dr. Update: Dr. White called and he said that the MRI pretty much confirms what he had said it was but it also confirmed that there is NOTHING in the left side!!!!!! Also it showed something in my lymph node and it is about 2.7cm but they couldn't really tell how big the tumor was in my breast. It is def. 1.5cm but there is a lot of area that they can't tell if it is tumor or just swelling.
Monday morning I am to call the Breast Center and get my appts for the Oncologist and the PET scan. He also said that the course of action will be chemo and then surgery.

That is so much more information and I expected to have today!! It helps so much to just know what we are headed for and that my dr is on the ball and keeping everything moving!!

Biopsy

Evening everyone.

It has been a very long and trying day. The wait for the biopsy was terrible and I just tried to do things around the house to stay busy but the time just dragged.

Finally it was time to go to the appointment. When we got there I had nothing to fill out so we got to wait again! I WILL get good at waiting if nothing else through this!!! I finally went back and they did an ultra sound to look over the areas again. The dr. came in and started. The lidocaine(numbing meds) burned like crazy!! When he took the samples I could feel it. It was so painful that I was getting so dizzy. He took 3 samples from the main area and then 2 samples from under my arm(lymph nodes). He said he could see where the dr was concerned about the nodes but they really didn't look bad. That is a little encouraging since everything else "doesn't look good".
Another mammogram to see the markers he put in to show where they took the samples and I was done. My mammogram tech was only a year younger than me and said that she checked herself not that long ago but was going to do it again. Meeting someone with breast cancer only a year old seemed to shake her up a bit. If God performs a miracle and Dr. White is wrong, at least my family, friends and I will be more aware and will make others more aware of this disease.

I have been resting on the couch (per the order of my Pastor's Wife and dear friend Cheryl O.!) and plan on staying here the rest of the night! I am very sore and extremely exhausted.

Thank you all for your love, prayers and support. The food is excellent too!!! :)

Dec 8th

Today I decided to get the running around I needed to do before tomorrow done. I went down to New Balance for new sneakers. I needed really good ones since I messed up my foot. I only need one sneaker now as it cost me an arm and a leg!!! LOL Anyways! After he took all my measurements and such he showed me the shoes that would be the best for my feet. I found the BEST pair of shoes!!! They are PINK and have the breast cancer ribbon on them. Also by buying those part of the proceeds goes to the foundation for a cure!!!! God is Awesome!!!

Around lunch time I was getting the kids lunch and thinking what am I going to make for dinner?? Not a few minutes later did I get a text from a sweet lady who asked if we have dinner for tonight! So we are getting a very yummy dinner from a sweet sister!! And BROWNIES! (Cheryl Leslie~ don't look at that! :) I will be good tomorrow!! LOL

After school another sweet sister brought a present for the kids to open tomorrow after we get home. This way they have something new to occupy them so I can rest.

God has blessed me so much with all of these wonderful ladies!! I love you more than I could even express!!

This is from a bumper sticker that a sister told me about: "Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there."

If nothing else I have learned that over and over again in the past 2 weeks!!

More Tests

It has been such a long day!!
The ins didn't want to authorize anything yesterday so we had to wait. By the time we got an answer we had missed the MRI appt(we waited there). The ins. co. wanted to talk to Dr. White who wouldn't get to the office until 11!! In the mean time I am starving!!! So we continue to wait. Finally around 11:15 we were told that they would cover the MRI but not the PET scan. So I got to go eat!! My MRI was then scheduled for 3pm. I got in there and they attempted the IV. It didn't work so I waited for the IV nurse to come down. She finally came down (Her name was Joan), and while she was looking for my veins we talked. I told her what I was there for and she told me that she works at the Cancer Center helping patients that are getting chemo with hand, foot, back massages, hypnosis(not my thing!), poetry and other things that help relax the patients. It is believed that this helps the body to heal faster!! If I had had my MRI appt this morning I would have never met her. Again I get to see God's hand in all of this!!!

Now I wait for Thurs when I have the biopsy done. I may find out tomorrow what the MRI says but it may not be until Fri.

I am trusting God and leaning on HIM as I go thru each test and wait for the next step. He is a great God and I love seeing His hand in every step I take!

Dec 6th

I had such a great day today!!

Today was a day full of blessings!! 

1st: I talked with my father and my grandmother and even my uncle!! I haven't talked to any of them in over 11 years!! My grandmother had a mastectomy  2 different times (one side then the other)  She opted out of radiation and chemo and just had the surgery. She is 80 and doing well. 

2nd: Last night I got an email from the director at Eli's school and her friend wanted ideas for my children as she wanted to get them something for Christmas.

3rd: At pick up today for Eli, I got an envelope. I opened it when I got home and there was a $100 gift card to Target and a $100 gift card to Big Y!!!

I am just amazed at how God is working in this situation. He is such a GREAT God!!! I was telling my mom look at all the good things that have come out of this and we are JUST beginning.

I found my father's side of the family, my daughter will now be able to get checked a lot earlier than she would have been, had I not received this diagnosis and I am trying to get in touch with my other half sisters so that they can be aware of this history so they can get tested. I can't wait to see all the wonderful things God is going to do by the time we are thru this trial!!

Tomorrow at 8:30 am they will be doing the MRI and then at 11:30 they will be doing the PET scan. Friday I will be calling for the results of these 2 tests. Thursday is the biopsy and I was told we should have the results possibly Monday and if not Tuesday!!! That is 2 days EARLIER than I thought!!!! 

Thank you all for your prayers and support! I can feel God's comfort thru your love and concern for me. I love you all so much!!

Family History

To a very big surprise to my biological father called me. I haven't heard from him in over 11years. My mom's sisters have been doing what they could to contact him so that we could learn some family history on his side. I still have yet to call him. Tonight isn't going to be that night. I don't think I could do it.

I did find out via my aunt that my grandmother(father's side) had a double mastectomy! I can't even say how mad I am right now. If I had known this years and years ago they could have been doing mammograms all this time.

I have talked with my aunt(mother's side) and feel better now. I am going to compile a list of questions before I call my father, so that I can get all the information I can when I talk to him. I hope that he has the information I need so that at least I will know. This way my daughter will know and they can do mammograms on her early.

If I hadn't been diagnosed with this I would have never known that it was in my family history and therefor my daughter wouldn't know. God is protecting her! He is GREAT!!

The Diagnosis

I couldn't believe I was sitting there listening to the dr talk to ME. It is still so surreal. I am in shock and probably denial. I have seen some anger and lots of sadness. I know these are all normal reactions to getting this news.

All the questions that swarm in my head is almost overwhelming. What do I tell my kids? What happens next? Who will watch my kids during treatment? How long will I have chemo for? Will I loose all my hair? Will I be sick? How will my kids handle me being so sick?

The questions just go on and on. I know that I don't have to worry about all these questions right now. The kids will adjust and will be very well taken care of when I can't be there. I don't have to tell them any more than what is needed at the time. Can you tell they are my biggest concern?? LOL.

I have been so blessed with a great church family and friends that will be there for me thru this. In just the few short days that all of this has happened I have seen more love and support than I could even imagine!

We have a GREAT God. He is the great Physician and can heal all things, EVEN Cancer. God's Grace is Sufficient for me!!
Thank you to my wonderful husband for this song!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hi8tajO11SM